If I Were Booking WrestleMania 29....

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and I tried to stick with the current storylines as best as I could. Some things have changed since then but these could still work.

Dark Match – Divas Championship that no one cares about

U.S. Heavyweight Championship – The Miz (challenger) vs. Antonio Cesaro (champion)
The Miz comes out with Ric Flair at his side. It’s a great match, back and forth, between both. Near the end of the match, Fandango comes out with two dancing partners. As he is watching the match The Miz locks in the Figure Four to Cesaro. Flair gets excited and starts dancing. He hops up on the apron to “distract” the referee while The Miz keeps cinching in the Figure Four. Flair comes through the ropes, yells “Wooo!” and drops an elbow on The Miz!! OMG. Just as quickly, Fandango leaps into the ring and covers the immobile Cesaro and gets the three count. Fandango screams “You will know my name!!” and then smiles and offers Flair one of his dancers as the leave the ring together.

Your NEW U.S. Heavyweight Champion – Fandango.  

Fatal Four Way – Tag Team Championship Match – Team Hell No (champions) vs. Prime Time Players vs. Broadus Clay and Tensai vs. Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes (challengers)
Crazy weird fight and brouhahas break loose all over the place. At one point Broadus and Bryan are in the ring while everyone else is on the outside except Kane, who is on the apron. Broadus is destroying Bryan, but he makes an escape and tries to tag Kane. Kane jumps off the apron and walks away. Bryan is devastated as he watches Kane leave – then from behind Clay and Tensai double team Bryan and get the pin. Then the dancing begins…  

Winners and NEW Tag Team Champions – Broadus Clay and Tensai  

Intercontinental Championship – R-Truth (Challenger) vs. Wade Barrett (champion)
Blah-blah-blah. Barrett wins with Colin Farrell at ringside to promote their crappy movie.  

Winner and still Intercontinental Champion – Wade Barrett  

Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler with AJ Lee and Big E Langston
One of the best matchers of the night. Both combatants have control at certain points. AJ and Big E try to get involved on certain occasions. At one point, when Dolph is incapacitated at ringside, Big E tries to interfere. Vickie comes out and starts wailing on AJ while Chris locks Big E in the Walls of Jericho. Booker T comes down and throws out everyone from ringside. Vickie and AJ fight back up the ramp as Big E tries to break them up. Chris and Dolph go at it. Dolph tries to hit the Fameasser, or whatever he calls it, but Jericho pulls an amazing counter and locks in the Walls of Jericho. With no one to help, Dolph passes out and loses the match.  

Winner – Chris Jericho  

Mark Henry vs. The Big Show
This is a Body Slam Match, the person who can body slam the other wins. Both go back and forth and near the end (thank god), Big Show hits Mark Henry with the punch. Mark doesn’t flinch. Big Show looks at his fist and hits him again. Once again, Mark doesn’t flinch. Mark yells “This is what I do!” Big Show looks at his fist and walks out of the ring. As he is walking up the ramp out comes Alberto Del Rio, RR, Sheamus and anyone else who has been victimized by the punch. Big Show goes back down to the ring and gets bodyslammed by Mark Henry and the ring collapses.  

Winner – Mark Henry  

War Games Match – Two Rings Enclosed by a Cage: Sheamus, Ryback, Orton and HHH vs. Team Heyman – the Shield and Brock Lesnar
Earlier in the month, Brock accepted HHH’s challenge with one caveat: if he wanted a fight they were going to do it on Heyman’s terms, which is the War Games. Triple HHH agrees and gets Sheamus, Ryback and Orton to be his partners. Longest and most brutal match of the night: Team Heyman wins the coin flip and gets the first entry at 5 minutes. Match starts with Ambrose and Orton. In succession, here are the entrants: Rollins, Sheamus, Reigns, Ryback, Lesnar and HHH. Trips and Lesnar go off into their own ring and proceed to get into a bloody mess together. After the beating commence, the Shield tries to protect Lesnar from HHH, but then Vince, Steph, Shane and HHH’s kids come down to ringside to cheer HHH on. With this the faces fo wild and it ends up with Ryback and HHH double teaming Lesnar and HHH pedigrees him and gets the pin. HHH walks off with his family. Once they get to the top of the ramp, HHH thanks the fans and officially retires.  

Winners – Sheamus, Ryback, Orton and HHH  

World Heavyweight Championship Match – Jack Swagger w/Zeb Colter (challenger) vs. Alberto Del Rio (champion)
This is a back and forth match; where even Zeb Colter and Ricardo Rodriguez get into a ringside scrap. Both competitors put on their finishing moves, but Jack is close to ropes when ADR puts on armbar so he gets a reprieve. ADR kicks out of Swagger’s finisher and Zeb jumps up on the apron. Jack goes over and Zeb hands him a foreign object. ADR comes over and drop kicks Swagger and he knocks Zeb off the apron. But Jack gets up and hits ADR with the brass knucks and gets the three count. Just as he is celebrating AJ comes down to the ring and distracts Swagger as Ziggler and Big E come from behind and beat him up. Dolph then cashes in the MIB and gets the three count.  

Your NEW World Heavyweight Champion – Dolph Ziggler  

The Streak Match – CM Punk vs. The Undertaker
This is going to be an awesome match. Longest match of the night with both contestants going back and forth. After about 35 minutes Taker hits a Tombstone but Punk kicks out of it. After more action Punk hits the GTS. But Taker kicks out. Punk hits the GTS again, Taker kicks out. One last time Punk hits the GTS and Taker kicks out. As the last GTS is being put on Taker, Mick Foley comes down to ringside. He pleads with Punk, “He’s not human, you can’t win!” Punk listens to Foley and walks away, being counted out. Foley convinces Punk to give him the urn. Taker goes to 21-0, but Punk doesn’t lose. Once Punk is counted out Foley jumps in the ring and screams at Taker – “This is for Hell in a Cell” and takes the urn to Taker, beating him within an inch of his life. As Foley is leaving, Kane meets him on the ramp and beats him to a pulp. He them slams Foley off the ramp. Kane then gets the urn from Foley, he then lifts it up in the air at ringside. Taker rises. Kane and Taker hug and lift the urn together in tribute to Paul Bearer.  

Winner – Undertaker  

WWE Heavyweight Championship Match – John Cena (challenger) vs. The Rock (champion) Typical WWE Heavyweight match with both guys having runs of success. It’s pretty much just like last year’s match except the ending – as the match is finishing Punk comes down and watches from ringside. He does not interfere, however. Cena tries AA and Rock kicks out. Rock tries Rock Bottom and Cena kicks out. Vince comes down to the ring and it looks as if we may have another “corporate champion” as it was back in the Attitude Era. But then, The Shield comes down from the stands and seeks justice after their loss in War Games. They beat down Rock, Cena and Vince. CM Punk just watches and then walks away at the end of the match, laughing, but taking no credit for The Shield. Match ends in a double count out after The Shield triple power bombs both Rock and Cena. They kidnap the WWE belt and tell everyone that the champ won’t get it back until justice is served. End of show.  

Winner – no one. Double count out.